Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
