I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Randomize
