If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
I wanna passion pit in your ass
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Randomize
