I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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