If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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