The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
