My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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