So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Randomize
