I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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