I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
