Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Randomize
