I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
