So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
