the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Randomize
