i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
I look better un-naked...
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I am one with the molecules
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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