He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
