I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
