Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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