i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Randomize
