John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Randomize
