My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Randomize
