2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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