I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
I am spending my child support on dildos
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
