Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
