You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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