Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
