The maid of honor just puked.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
