getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
