You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
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