when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
should my penis look like a turkey
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
This is classic penis vs brain.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
