This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
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