How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
