walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
