you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Randomize
