the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
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