Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
