And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Your cock deserves a montage
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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