How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Randomize
