i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
