I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
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