my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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