at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
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