she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Randomize
