who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
We are all done wearing pants today
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Randomize
