Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Randomize
