please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
