Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
