I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
