i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Randomize
