ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
