So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
