Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
