Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
