i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Randomize
