Already got asked if we're dating
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Randomize
