rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
my liver is dry heaving
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
