when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I have tasted many bathrooms
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize