Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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