Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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