'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
