Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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