just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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