I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Randomize
