You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
