She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
im six kinds of drunk right now
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
