dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Operation Purity has been aborted
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Randomize
