Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Randomize
