Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
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