Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
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